Flappy Paddles

It’s here. Gran Turismo 5 is among us. After countless delays and endless excuses, the game we’ve all been waiting for has finally hit the shelves. I can’t even begin to express just how strange it is to play a game you waited on for six years. So let’s put that into perspective, shall we? Since GT4 was released we’ve had: 2 FIFA World Cups, 6 Eurovisions, 6,570 meals, 37,230,000 blinks of the eye, and 638,980,350,000 TV broadcasts featuring Simon Cowell. The dinosaurs had a shorter reign over the Earth than the time span between these two games, and I’m yet to start exaggerating. Ladies and Gentlemen, the real driving simulator is back.

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I’ve written before about my obsession with car washing and my battle to beat it. And so it won’t come as a surprise, perhaps, that like an ex-alcoholic returning to the bottle, I have weakened and turned back to the bucket. And once again, it has threatened to ruin my life. It’s not the shame of it, the laughter of my friends or the hours spent alone in the cold, cleaning alloys, that hurts me now. It’s what I found while I was doing it.

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It had to happen. Sooner or later I was going to cave and pay homage to the latest milestone in automobile engineering. The standard Veyron launched in 2005 (with a frankly pathetic 1001 hp output) and immediately shot onto bedroom walls across the globe, a new dawn for mechanical genius had arrived. James May shot off to Germany for a Top Gear recording session and carried it all the way to its top speed of 253 mph, breaking the current speed record for a road legal production car. A speed at which, as noted by Jeremy Clarkson, had the same amount of air intake per minute (45,000 litres) as a human does over four whole days. So in the traditional car engineering spirit, Bugatti decided this wasn’t impressive enough, and created a better one…

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Coronation Street is the most watched programme on British television but this does not make it the best. Spain is the most popular foreign holiday destination for Brits yet I can assure you that Spain is very probably the nastiest country on earth; a place where they think it’s a hoot to stick spears in cows, where they can’t cook and they can’t make wine. Also, lisping can be an endearing trait but not when everyone is doing it.

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Except this one. I’m too busy preparing myself for:

Expect lots of screenshots over the coming days, see you on the track!

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Yesterday saw the release of Criterion Games’ latest venture into the arcade motoring universe, Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit. Naturally I had to pick up a copy, despite certain other racing games looming over the horizon like an awesome storm, as I was a huge fan of their 2008 creation Burnout Paradise. Besides, it’s a game involving very expensive cars driving at very ridiculous speeds chased by very aggressive cops in equally expensive cars… what’s not to love? So, I figured it’d be a sensible move to make today’s post a review, or rather, a mini review.

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After Polyphony Digital’s press release last week detailing Gran Turismo 5’s epic car list and release date (Nov. 24th!), I found myself staring in partial disbelief at the game’s monumental number of Skylines, 42 to be exact. It’s not just slightly obvious that the guys over at PD are fond of the model, but does it really deserve to place in 4.1% of GT5’s 1031-car lineup?

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After what seems like an eternity (who am I kidding? It was an eternity), the much-anticipated racing sim Gran Turismo 5 has been given an official release date. Forget the last official release date, this one is the real one. The discs went to print a couple of weeks ago, there’s absolutely no turning back this time. None whatsoever. Without a doubt.

Something bad is going to happen.

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Essentially a hardcore (and hardtop) version of the Lotus Elise, the Exige was launched in 2000 and has since undergone several changes and upgrades. I find myself favouring the S version released in 2006, only one year after Lotus had assured it’s customers that 2005’s limited production of the 240R was indeed limited, and that there were no plans for a mass-produced supercharged Exige. It seems lying isn’t so bad after all.

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It returns! Last built in 1970, the Boss 302 has long been a popular choice among Mustang enthusiasts for making a modern comeback, and after much deliberation Ford have given it the green light.

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Coming soon to a console near you!

Quoted from Wikipedia:

Hot Pursuit goes back to the Need for Speed series’ roots and takes on the gameplay style of earlier “Hot Pursuit”-titles in the Need for Speed franchise with exotic cars and high-speed police chases. Hot Pursuit lets the player play as either a cop or a racer and will feature a full career mode for both roles. The relationship between the cops and racers is described as “a dog chasing down a rabbit” with the cops being more powerful compared to the racers.

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It’s a pretty rare occurrence in the car manufacturing world for concept models ever to see the light of day, and if they do, they’ve been disfigured something so drastic it’d take the boys and girls at CSI the best part of an entire episode to work out just how the car actually relates to the concept at all. Alfa Romeo on the other hand, clearly aren’t fond of the “here’s what we can do, but we won’t do it” approach, as made obvious by the creation and subsequent production (albeit a limited one) of the 8C Competizione.

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As if the standard R8 V10 wasn’t joyous enough already, Quattro GmbH (an Audi subsidiary who evidently don’t know when to quit) have taken it upon themselves to produce a road-legal track version for poverty-stricken boy racers to drool over.

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